For the last few months I have been running. My friend and I recently up'd our run to 4 miles...one mile warm up followed by a non-stop 4 mile run. I have to say I'm pretty dang proud of us. This is quite an accomplishment for both of us, and it feels sooo good!
Today we started at 5:30 am...well, 5:35 actually because I have to be five minutes late every morning ;)
It started like all the other days, I was feeling good and listening to some good music on Pandora.
It didn't take long before I was talking myself out of it (as always)
I was thinking of what I could say to Megan so I could walk a bit.
Does my leg hurt? Maybe I swallowed a fly....man seriously? four miles? UGHHHHH how am I going to do this??
I basically have to talk myself into continuing on for quite some time, then I sort of go numb after awhile. Today was a little different though, after I went numb I was actually able to think! and I mean process something other than "stop body, stop!!!!! just walk!!"
I can see how running turns therapeutic for people. I certainly didn't understand that before!
We were on our last mile and the song playing right now (should be anyways) came on....Smile like you mean it by The Killers.
I instantly thought of my job as a photographer, mommy, and wife. I was pushing myself, sun in my eyes, my legs wanting to stop, sweat beading up on my lower back, my chest....
I got goosebumps.
I tapped Megan and showed her my arms, unable to tell her why, I just wanted proof that I had the chills while sweating!
I can't explain exactly what I felt, I find it hard sometimes to get it out and onto this blog.
I had a moment.
We pile on task after task forgetting to take in what we have, or even what we once had.
I feel that my days consist of cleaning...dishes, laundry, bathrooms, cooking, planning, preparing, mothering, pleasing, sacrificing, editing. I focus too often on just doing those things....going through the motions.
I need to take it in, I need to re-center myself from time to time, I need to listen to the stories my kids tell, I need to tell my clients to just play...you have one hour to focus on your kids only(or each other)THOSE are the memories you want on your walls, I need to clean my house and know that I have a roof over my head, I need to cook and be happy that I am able to feed my babies, I need to look at my husband when I kiss him, I need to
This is what life is.
what it's all about.....
... so smile like you mean it :)